I had a leadership retreat via zoom yesterday.
The opening question was: what have you been accomplishing during this time?
Old Liesl would’ve been ashamed of her answer; new Liesl spoke with confidence.
During this great pause, I’m accomplishing the subtle art of NOT hustling.
You heard me right: I spent the majority of my adult life hustling for worthiness.
I had a solid love affair with the 60-hour work week. We used to get up at 5:00 a.m. because someone from India potentially sent an e-mail while we were sleeping. We used to knock everything out the park together perfectionist style. We bought into the mantra: “hustle while they sleep.” Vacations were spent on my phone answering e-mails while I missed my children splashing in the pool in front of me.
I was madly in love with the hustle.
This die-hard love affair came with the reward of bright shiny objects I desperately craved: praise, affirmation, promotions, “success” and a life people envied.
Unfortunately, hustling was a temporary distraction from a deeper truth my most recent existential crisis taught me:
My need to hustle was rooted in a deep-seeded insecurity: I am not enough.
I so desperately needed validation from others, all my interactions were about people proving my own worth to me.
I strived. I sacrificed. I achieved. Then, I achieved more than anyone around me.
Then, I had a breakdown-but existential crisis sounds a whole lot fancier (I’m writing a book about it-you’ll have to check it out).
So, during this global pandemic I’m doing some crazy things:
- I’m jumping on the trampoline with my children while listening to Spice Girls Wannabe (highly recommend)
- We’re having epic water balloon fights in the backyard. The kind where everyone gets soaked and trees are used as body armor.
- I’m drinking hot pecan pie coffee on the deck I recently re-arranged.
- I’m learning to love my people tenderly again (yet still imperfectly).
- I’m continuing to learn that I am enough all by myself.
This is my season to not HUSTLE. I hope this season is teaching you whatever is meant for you.
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