I had a leadership retreat via zoom yesterday.

The opening question was: what have you been accomplishing during this time?

Old Liesl would’ve been ashamed of her answer; new Liesl spoke with confidence.

During this great pause, I’m accomplishing the subtle art of NOT hustling.

You heard me right: I spent the majority of my adult life hustling for worthiness.

I had a solid love affair with the 60-hour work week. We used to get up at 5:00 a.m. because someone from India potentially sent an e-mail while we were sleeping. We used to knock everything out the park together perfectionist style. We bought into the mantra: “hustle while they sleep.” Vacations were spent on my phone answering e-mails while I missed my children splashing in the pool in front of me.

I was madly in love with the hustle.

This die-hard love affair came with the reward of bright shiny objects I desperately craved: praise, affirmation, promotions, “success” and a life people envied.

Unfortunately, hustling was a temporary distraction from a deeper truth my most recent existential crisis taught me:

My need to hustle was rooted in a deep-seeded insecurity: I am not enough.

I so desperately needed validation from others, all my interactions were about people proving my own worth to me.

I strived. I sacrificed. I achieved. Then, I achieved more than anyone around me.

Then, I had a breakdown-but existential crisis sounds a whole lot fancier (I’m writing a book about it-you’ll have to check it out).

So, during this global pandemic I’m doing some crazy things:

  1. I’m jumping on the trampoline with my children while listening to Spice Girls Wannabe (highly recommend)
  2. We’re having epic water balloon fights in the backyard. The kind where everyone gets soaked and trees are used as body armor.
  3. I’m drinking hot pecan pie coffee on the deck I recently re-arranged.
  4. I’m learning to love my people tenderly again (yet still imperfectly).
  5. I’m continuing to learn that I am enough all by myself.

This is my season to not HUSTLE.  I hope this season is teaching you whatever is meant for you.

I lost all street cred (and most of my “friends”), but I won my life back,

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