Maybe the opposite of control is love. -Glennon Doyle
I’ve been feeling extremely vulnerable recently. My book-Broken, Changed & Rearranged– is going to be released in a hot minute and sharing my story out loud feels f-ing vulnerable.
Creating is vulnerable. Sharing the worst thing about myself out loud is vulnerable.
My default mechanism when encountering this level of vulnerability is control.
Last week, I received the final copy of my book for review from my publisher.
Shit got real.
I had to stop myself from re-writing the least flattering parts.
I have struggled with the need for control my whole life.
After years of self-reflection, I’ve discovered my need for control is rooted in a deep fear of vulnerability. I describe vulnerability as the feeling in my chest that emerges when someone or something has the ability to hurt me. They’ve built up enough relationship capital in my life, the thought of their absence has power over me. I don’t like that feeling. It terrifies me. I like to be the one in control.
Old Liesl would sabotage relationships by pushing people away when vulnerability would emerge. I’d slowly cut them out of my life or smother them. Both of these self-sabotaging behaviors took care of the thing I feared the most: giving someone else control.
My favorite author Glennon Doyle reminds me, “Control is the opposite of love.”
When I lean into vulnerability, I remind myself that it is the birthplace of love, joy, belonging, acceptance and so many other beautiful things.
Evolved Liesl recognizes letting someone into my world is worth the risk of losing them. I’m kind of afraid of losing you, but I know it’s worth it.
In the next coming weeks, I’m going to let YOU into my world in a way that is both terrifying and beautiful.
So, how can we both tackle vulnerability in our own lives? Here are some things that helped me:
- Accept that vulnerability is necessary: Vulnerability is literally the only way to experience connection. Hard stop. You are human and crave connection and belonging. You can run from vulnerability, but it will always disappoint you. Vulnerability is quite literally the birthplace of love, joy, creativity and belonging (Brene Brown). Accepting this universal truth will help you lean into the discomfort.
- Vulnerability helps you find your people: When you lean into vulnerability, you will be rejected. Some people won’t like you. This is beautiful because you will free up space for the RIGHT people.
- Take a deep breath: When you start to feel those butterflies in your stomach signaling vulnerability is happening to you, take a deep breath. Remind yourself of the truths above. Instead of falling into your default patterns shielding you from vulnerability, lean into the beauty of what vulnerability offers (love, joy, belonging, all the feels).
So, here I am. All of me.
I’m just a little bit terrified of sharing my whole heart with the you. Creating is vulnerable.
However, I’m going to lean into the discomfort of what can be.
I know my story is meant to be. It’s been brewing inside me since I was a little girl. If I fight it, I’ll never know the bravery of a dream well-lived or a story completely told.
Let’s live vulnerably together,