The first half of the day went so well.
On Monday, I got up at 6:00 a.m. to take a long walk and listen to the newest Brene Brown podcast. Her voice and re-assurance about the COVID-19 crisis temporarily soothed the tightness in my chest that had been building for days. I even managed to wash my hair, drink a HOT cup of coffee and put the finishing touches on my “to do” list BEFORE my son or daughter emerged from their bedrooms.
The cadence of the day felt less foreign than the week before.
Even my husband’s conference calls from the makeshift living room/office felt unusually quiet as I trekked through our morning homeschool routine.
Then, the familiar sound of my alert-heavy phone disrupted the few moments of “normalcy” the day provided.
June cancellations for the Inn I own started to roll in.
I sat on the couch for two minutes painfully aware I wasn’t okay yet powerless to understand why.
How could only two cancellations trigger such a flurry of emotion? It didn’t make sense.
The week prior, both April and May occupancy plummeted to 0% with little emotion.
Why now?
I gave my husband “the I need to tap out” look and he motioned me to head up the stairs mid-conference call.
I put on the most hideously comfortable pair of leggings I own, got into bed and pulled the covers tightly around me like a cocoon.
I cried for over an hour.
Instead of ignoring my pain or trying to re-mold it into something “positive”, I decided to sit with her.
A very wise teacher I love (New York Time’s Best Selling Author & Love Warrior-Glennon Doyle) taught me sadness is an equal teacher to joy. If we don’t sit with sadness & pain we miss out on all our transformation.
Everything we need to transform into the next person we are meant to be is sitting inside the hot loneliness of now.
Sometimes I hear Glennon whisper to me, “Pain is a traveling professor and it knocks on everyone’s door and the wisest of us say “sit down and don’t leave until you’ve taught me what I need to learn.”
After a few courageous minutes of sitting with my sadness, she started to speak to me.
She told me June reservations being cancelled felt different because it was summertime.
Sadness reminded me that her cousin Joy visits me a lot in the summer. Joy shows up in the late night laughter of my daughter and son playing on the trampoline with the neighborhood kids until 9:00 p.m. Joy visits me during 4th of July trips to Manhattan, KS where my family gathers at the swimming pool and eats barbecue. Joy is often hiding in summer weddings at the Inn during first-look moments and bridal party breakfasts.
I sat in silence a bit longer and I quietly wondered if this was the last season I would grieve the loss of.
I had to believe tomorrow would be different. Tomorrow, I would be able to do hard things like pivot my business to something virtual, apply for an SBA loan and be a badass teacher.
Tomorrow I would be able to do hard things.
Then, I heard sadness whisper, “Oh beloved-you already are.”
As we go through this difficult time together as parents and business owners, I want to remind you just showing up each day is a hard thing.
I know you might feel alone with all your big feelings. I know social media can make me doubt myself, “Am I doing this global pandemic all wrong?”
I often ask myself if I’m crazy for feeling sad, anxious, frustrated and sad. Everyone seems to be doing so well as I scroll, scroll, scroll.
It seems like everyone is crushing it at homeschooling, their business has transitioned to a virtual option making even more money than before, everyone is LOVING their time with their family and I’m over here in CRAZYVILLE population 1 wondering why I don’t have all these overwhelming feelings of joy, joy, & more joy.
Don’t forget social media is still a highlight reel. It was before the global pandemic and it’s magnified in crisis (my friend Maki reminds me of this daily). There will be no trophies or ribbons handed out for the best business owner or parent when this is all over.
I’d like to offer you a different perspective that may speak to you.
1 All your feelings are valid; NOT just the “positive” ones
In case you haven’t noticed, our culture places a higher value on happy feelings.
It’ is okay to be scared, sad, optimistically positive and fearful all in one day.
Juggling your responsibilities as a business owner and parent are hard enough sans a global pandemic.
Honor your feelings and know they are ALL equal teachers. Make space (I find locking my room helps) to process what you’re experiencing. It is okay to sit with pain for a while and allow her to teach and transform you .
Extend this grace to your tiny humans as well. If they become sad or frustrated during a homeschool lesson, give them time to pause and reflect. Encourage them to start naming their feelings and saying them out loud. This builds resiliency in your children and models how we navigate through our emotions.
If you’re feeling really brave: I would challenge you to re-frame pain & sadness from negative to positive because our culture has brain-washed you to believe pain & sadness are to be avoided & run from (but that’s for another day).
2. What your family needs to stay sane is different than before
Many of you are now parenting, owning a business, trying to date your spouse, taking conference calls, worrying about the health of your business, and educating yourself on SBA disaster loans all under ONE ROOF.
3. What you needed to stay sane has drastically shifted.
Become curious about what you really need to stay sane during this time and foster that curiosity in your children.
We did this during a family meeting the other day. I told my family I need REALLY REALLY long walks in the morning. My son said he needs to set up the kitchen table as his desk. He puts his stuffed animals and rubix cubes all around him before he starts school. Talk about your needs as a family and do your best to support each other.
Stay connected with other Parentpreneurs
It’s easy to isolate yourself during this time. Stay connected with other Parentpreneurs you can vent to, share business ideas with and navigate parenthood/teacherhood/businesshood (I made up a lot of words) together. Set up virtual coffee dates, send voice texts, FaceTime each other and use our Facebook group for support.
As my nerdy Data Scientist husband says before I’m about to do really hard things:
May the Force be with you (that’s from Star Wars right),
